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Hi, welcome to the next blog in this series.
I’d like to talk about Relationship Difficulties as the next cause of depression, focusing on divorce mainly. This is another one of those big topics which I cannot cover extensively at one go, so there will be a series later on relationships, and how to do them better.
Relationship difficulties can involve any of the following: communication problems, cheating partners, aggression and domestic violence, financial issues, continued unemployment and stress over trying to make ends meet, interference from third parties (including family members), absent spouses or partners and uncaring other halves, family and work balance, and undisciplined children. There are, of course, countless other causes, but these tend to be the most common ones.
I’ve been doing relationship counselling for fifteen years now and while I’ve managed to keep together the majority of couples who come before me, I have been horrified at the toll some of the problems I encounter have taken on the individuals involved. So many clients have described how worn out they feel after continuous relationship issues. One minor fight or argument is easy to deal with and recover from, but a series of disagreements is what allows the rot to set in. If a disagreement is not resolved quickly and amicably, the perception that there is no available solution can result in a sense of helplessness.
This feeling compounds the fatigue that people feel when there is constant strife; I refer to it as “Fight Fatigue”.
Continual disagreements and the resulting emotional fallout causes serious stress, which in turn affects other aspects of our lives: how and what we eat, our sleep patterns, socialising, and our perception of things. Regular highs and lows start to cause downturns in mood, which can easily turn into depression if left unchecked.
Sadly, most people seek help when it is very late, after depression has already taken root. If they had dealt with the original problem, namely the relationship issues, they would most likely not have suffered depression at a later stage. They then find themselves trying to fix two things at once, which is obviously a lot harder to do.
This highlights why it is essential to deal with problems in your life directly and promptly, rather than waiting around hoping that things will get better on their own, miraculously. That may happen in Hollywood movies, but in real life, it seldom works that way.
The bottom line is that you need to take positive action to make a change in your life.
Asha
I’m going to discuss the causes of depression in the next few blogs, and offer some solutions to help deal with the symptoms. I’m going to start with the big one: STRESS.
I’m going to describe stress as an overload on our systems; our cognitive, emotional and physical systems. This overload occurs when we have too much to handle at one given point in our lives. It’s not like having an examinable assignment, for example, and having a year to do it in, but it is like having an examinable project and having a week to do it in. You know you are never going to have sufficient time to plan, research, write up, edit and submit that project in a week, unless of course, you dedicate your entire life to it in that week. But as none of us have this luxury, that very steep time frame is likely to be perceived by you as a threat.
This perception causes an increase in adrenaline and cortisol, the primary stress hormone in your body, which in turn increases heart rate and blood pressure. Once the threat passes, these functions return to normal, so if you manage to get through that week and actually submit your project, you will return to normal. But it is a repeat of these stressors that causes worry and anxiety. So we can deal with one or two stressful events, and we will recover from them, but it is when these events are continuous, or repeated, that we may be in a spot of trouble.
This perception causes an increase in adrenaline and cortisol, the primary stress hormone in your body, which in turn increases heart rate and blood pressure. Once the threat passes, these functions return to normal, so if you manage to get through that week and actually submit your project, you will return to normal. But it is a repeat of these stressors that causes worry and anxiety. So we can deal with one or two stressful events, and we will recover from them, but it is when these events are continuous, or repeated, that we may be in a spot of trouble.
The worry you feel might result in sleepless nights, feelings of being overwhelmed, a sense of being lost, and in some serious cases, an almost suicidal state of panic. Continuous stress can lead to a breakdown, where your functioning is seriously impaired. People who have breakdowns are usually unable to continue with their regular lives for a period of time, and need long-term rest, recovery, therapy, and sometimes medication to get better.
Stress has a physiological effect on our body, in that repeated and continuous episodes cause a build up of fatty deposits in our systems. These tiny deposits roam freely in our bodies until they start to stack up against each other, and eventually begin to clog our arteries. We can’t see this process occurring because it is happening deep within us, but we will feel its effects. Stressed people will mostly ignore the effects -- and we will tackle the question of why they do that later.
Stress is caused by a number of things: work problems, which may involve a heavy workload, a difficult boss, commuting issues. Financial stress occurs when people are living beyond their means or simply don't have enough money to make ends meet, and may sometimes face poverty and homelessness. Difficult relationships are a major cause of stress, and that is such a big topic that it will be discussed in a separate blog at a later date.
I have also worked with young clients who have experienced exam stress, or bullying at school, and warring parents, and I don't have to tell you just how serious that is.
We are faced with stressful events at every turn, and at every stage of our lives, and I know that even very young children can suffer stress. They don't have the vocabulary to describe it as that, but it is stress, nonetheless. It may manifest as difficult behaviour, or a withdrawal from the classroom or family. If your child suddenly becomes quite naughty, or very quiet, without there being a recent event which could explain the behaviour, bear in mind that he or she may be experiencing stress from somewhere, and it is up to you to ask the right questions and find out the source of that stress.
This brings me to the question of why adults ignore the signals that their minds and bodies put out to them when they are stressed and why they choose not to do something about it even if they do get the signals. I myself have been guilty of doing this, and I paid a huge price for it, and since that episode I have kept a close eye on whether I am stressed or not. From my own experience, and listening to my clients, it seems that when we detect stress in ourselves, we believe that it will go away on its own if we just endure. Patience will be rewarded if we simply ride out the wave and wait until the end of whatever it is causing the stress, we convince ourselves. This is not the same as burying our heads in the sand, but rather a test of our own endurance, and maybe even a display of our arrogance.
How could we ever think that stress goes away on its own? It does not. Even when the stressor, which is an event which causes it, disappears, the residue of the exhaustion, mental anguish and physical torment we suffered remains, and that stress can be triggered again by even the smallest thing. So we are wrong to think that enduring will lead to triumph, and that we will “soon” return to normal. All we are doing is refusing to address the issues.
So what do we do about stressful events and occurrences? For starters, it is always good to plan. So if you have an upcoming assignment, or exam, plan it out. Plan your studying time, give yourself enough time to research and write, and give yourself an extra few days, so you have a margin to play with, should unforeseen events slow you down.
If your relationship is causing you stress, face the problem and address it. If you and your partner are arguing all the time, try to understand why. Talk to your partner and come to some agreement as to how you are going to handle your problems. If you have a difficult relationship with your boss, consider talking to him or her about it, or if you don't see that as an option, looking for a new job. There are no rules saying we have to stick at something if it's causing us unhappiness anymore. If your job isn't working for you, change it.
Whatever you do, understand that there is no good outcome if you leave stress to fester. If it becomes long-term stress, it will end badly. I've had a few clients who have contemplated suicide because of the stress on their lives, and others who have aged prematurely. Left unchecked and untreated, continuous stress will lead to depression, because your system will not like the pressure it is under. Your system can only heal itself up to a point; you have to do the rest, and if you consistently ignore the signs, you’re leaving your system with no choice but to go into economy mode and survival mode, and that will bring about symptoms of depression.
So, address your stress. Admit that it is there. Look for warning signs like unhappiness, insomnia, poor dietary habits, lack of clarity, inability to make decisions, and a feeling that things are just getting on top of you. If you have some or all of these symptoms, consider yourself stressed and think about what you can do to alleviate that stress.
Until the next blog, thank you for reading.
Let’s talk today about alcohol and how it affects depression.
This is a big topic, and a very serious one. I have witnessed too many times how excessive alcohol intake has ruined lives and broken families, violated trust and undone many of the good things that people have achieved in their lives.
This is a big topic, and a very serious one. I have witnessed too many times how excessive alcohol intake has ruined lives and broken families, violated trust and undone many of the good things that people have achieved in their lives.
Alcohol is a depressant, which means that it reduces certain nervous functions, for example, alertness - which explains why people feel drowsy or sleepy when they drink. Try playing football when you’ve had one too many: your affected vision means your brain won't be able to properly compute the distance and speed the ball is coming from, your affected motor functions means you won't have the strength to kick or catch it cleanly, and your affected balance may see you land flat on your face when you try! On second thoughts, don't try this!
Alcohol acts on your brain chemicals, like serotonin, which is the chemical responsible for keeping you happy. When you drink alcohol it boosts the effect of that feel-good chemical, and so you feel happier, less inhibited. Note the person dancing wildly on the dance floor after one too many: no co-ordination, terrible dance moves and not a care in the world about who’s watching. That person is happy and uninhibited. But as you know, that is only a short-term effect. When you stop drinking, those good effects wear off.
At the same time, the levels of serotonin in your body are negatively affected, so you have less of it, and you’re not going to feel happy, and when your levels of happiness drops, you can easily enter a low-mood state, followed by depression. It can start off as mild depression, but the worse you feel, the worse your depression may become and before you know it, you’re flirting with moderate to severe depression.
Physiologically, you will have the dreaded symptoms of a hangover, which is caused essentially by your liver trying to process the chemical ethanol in your system. Yes, once you take away the pretty colours and nice taste and cool presentation of a drink, you're left with a toxic chemical called ethanol, and your system will not thank you for it. You will feel sick, nauseous, dizzy and very out of sorts. Dehydration will make you feel worse, and there is no cure for this but time. You simply have to allow your system the time to expel the alcohol and re-balance itself.
At the same time, the levels of serotonin in your body are negatively affected, so you have less of it, and you’re not going to feel happy, and when your levels of happiness drops, you can easily enter a low-mood state, followed by depression. It can start off as mild depression, but the worse you feel, the worse your depression may become and before you know it, you’re flirting with moderate to severe depression.
Physiologically, you will have the dreaded symptoms of a hangover, which is caused essentially by your liver trying to process the chemical ethanol in your system. Yes, once you take away the pretty colours and nice taste and cool presentation of a drink, you're left with a toxic chemical called ethanol, and your system will not thank you for it. You will feel sick, nauseous, dizzy and very out of sorts. Dehydration will make you feel worse, and there is no cure for this but time. You simply have to allow your system the time to expel the alcohol and re-balance itself.
And then there’s the emotional fall out: guilt, regret, questions about why you did it, and so on.
Put your mental, physiological and emotional symptoms of alcohol intake together, and you end up with a very unpleasant after-effect.
If you're drinking while you're depressed, you're most likely looking to alleviate the symptoms of depression; you're looking for comfort at the bottom of a bottle. You may be hoping for oblivion, because if you're oblivious to how bad you're feeling, you don't have to face it, right? You can ignore it, right?
Wrong - obviously! How is this ever supposed to make things better? The answer, of course, is that it doesn't. Using alcohol to remove yourself from your problems actually worsens your symptoms, and deepens the intensity of negative feelings, so you will probably drink more in the hope of blotting it all out. Can you see how a pattern of unhealthy behaviour forms?
This is the vicious cycle I warn against, and this is not a cycle you want to be in because it is hard to get out of: depression, alcohol, temporary relief, deeper depression, more alcohol, etc. This story can end in a very bad way. Oblivion, obviously, is no answer if you are feeling depressed, and it can also become a very expensive way of (not) coping with the problem.
So here's a suggestion: instead of spending your money in the pub, seek out a counsellor in your area and buy a few sessions instead!
So here's a suggestion: instead of spending your money in the pub, seek out a counsellor in your area and buy a few sessions instead!
It is very difficult for partners, friends or loved ones, to handle someone who is in the depression and drinking cycle. More than that, it is also selfish to expect partners to put up with the additional issue of you being drunk all the time. You might say you're only drinking excessively on weekends, but that is essentially binge drinking, and that means you are flirting with alcoholism. Telling your partner that you're not drinking on school nights, and that means you're okay, is a big lie.
If you find yourself using certain phrases repeatedly -- 'I have it under control' ... 'I can stop whenever I want to' ...'it's not harming anyone' -- well, that is the language used by alcoholics. And people are not so easily fooled. Those who love you and care about you will see the path you are taking.
Understand that you are not
okay, that you do not
have it under control and that no, you cannot
stop when you want to. It is arrogant to think that you can. It is okay to not be okay, and to admit that you don't have it all under control and that you could do with some help.
So If you're feeling depressed, talk to someone, get help wherever you can - but do not try to self-medicate with alcohol. It will simply make the depression worse. If you’re already drinking a lot and you notice people starting to avoid you, take that as a sign that all is not well, and get help.
Don’t rely on others to pull you out of this quagmire; because that may never happen. If you need help, admit it. Find that help, and do it now.
Don't wait until it's too late.
Asha
Asha
Let’s talk today about motivation and depression, and what you can do to ease your symptoms and how to go about it.
I’m the first person to admit that motivation is one of the hardest things to find when you're feeling down. It’s like you're pulling something from deep down inside you, but it's stuck at your feet and won't come up -- so you get tired and let go, and that's the end of that effort for the day. And even that little attempt can leave you exhausted.
Just finding the motivation to get motivated can be pretty daunting, and this is where you can do certain things to improve your situation.
Just finding the motivation to get motivated can be pretty daunting, and this is where you can do certain things to improve your situation.
One is the small-step strategy that I spoke about in earlier blogs, which comes in very handy if you're looking to make changes that are manageable rather than radical. Taking small steps will lead to bigger steps, if you keep at it. Taking the positive feelings out of the fact that you completed a small step gives you the sense of success that you need to go to the next step.
I call this positivity mining: you achieve that first small success and you use it to build towards the next step.
I call this positivity mining: you achieve that first small success and you use it to build towards the next step.
Giving yourself a pat on the shoulder will encourage greater self-participation. Sitting around waiting for someone else to drop by and fix how you're feeling is a futile exercise; there’s a small chance that it might happen, but there's too much at stake here to risk it. If you’re waiting for other people to participate in your life, you’ll mostly be left disappointed. It really is up to you to get started.
The second thing you can do is to stop restricting yourself from talking to other people how you feel. You may not be the type of person who likes to open up about things -- but believe me, you're losing out by keeping things to yourself. Think of it not as a weakness that you need to talk to someone, but as a strength; recognise that, for many people - perhaps you - it takes courage to admit that you need help and advice, and to seek out a counsellor.
I've explained before that friends and family can be important support systems for when you hit a low point in your life, but that their support cannot be taken for granted. You also have to contend with the reality that sometimes, those people may withdraw their support over time, or start giving you less of it. Sometimes, those people may be too exhausted or consumed by their own issues to give you the attention you need.
If you cannot or will not see a counsellor or therapist, you have no choice but to draw on your own resources.
If this is you, you need to understand the following: you may be low on resources, but this doesn’t mean you don't have any. You may be low on motivation, but it doesn’t mean you don't have any. It just means that you have to dig deeper to pull out these characteristics out of yourself, and you can do it.
If this is you, you need to understand the following: you may be low on resources, but this doesn’t mean you don't have any. You may be low on motivation, but it doesn’t mean you don't have any. It just means that you have to dig deeper to pull out these characteristics out of yourself, and you can do it.
Remind yourself that you have reasons to put in this effort, and that you have reasons to live, and purposes in your life. Whether that purpose is your family, a partner, a pet, a child, a career, or even just feeding the birds in your garden, it is still a purpose, and that purpose represents a glimmer of hope. It is that glimmer that can give you the drive to find that motivation to take you outside your comfort zone of depression. Yes, it can become a comfort zone; people can become so entrenched in their misery that they accept it, and forget about the life outside of it. But there is no reason for such an acceptance, and you are missing out on the brightest, most colourful parts of life if you do so.
Find that one thing that means something to you; that you will get up for in the morning, and if you don't have that something, make one up or get one, even if it is something as simple as going outside once a day and greeting a neighbour. Even a little gesture like this is enough to stimulate a feeling of warmth and positivity in you. That stimulation is enough to give you the courage and motivation to either seek help or use any of the methods I have advocated in my earlier blogs, or talk to someone, about how you feel. If you can find the motivation to just talk to someone, even if you don't get much feedback from them, it may be enough to unburden you a little, and you can feel some of those negative feelings lifting.
These are things for YOU to do, so you rely on yourself in the first instance, and any other help you may get can be a bonus. You draw on YOUR resources -- and when the dark cloud starts to lift you can take the credit for helping yourself through a difficult time. All of life is a learning curve and you are often your own teacher. If you can teach yourself one thing, teach yourself this: you can do just about anything you put your mind to. Put your mind to getting past the symptoms of depression and you set yourself on the right path.
This, only you can do.
As always, thanks for reading, and bye for now,
Asha
This, only you can do.
As always, thanks for reading, and bye for now,
Asha
Hi, and welcome to the next blog in the series on depression.
Today I want to talk about something which is not necessarily a method of alleviating your symptoms of depression, but is still an extremely important related topic: your Diet and Depression .
Today I want to talk about something which is not necessarily a method of alleviating your symptoms of depression, but is still an extremely important related topic: your Diet and Depression .
Your everyday diet is the the food you eat routinely, excluding special events and outings, and is dictated by your food preferences, the amount of time you have to prepare and cook, and sometimes, how hungry you are. It can also be affected by mood -- for instance, you may just feel like having a pasta, or a roast chicken -- but it is not negatively affected, unless you are depressed. Then, even healthy eaters will find that their regular habits change, and generally not for the better. Emotional issues affect what you eat.
The day-to-day diet of somebody suffering from depression is quite different from that of someone who isn’t. My clients have described their diets as woefully inadequate in terms of nutritional value, and usually consisting of microwave meals, take-aways, the children’s leftover food, or nothing at all.
This is comfort eating;
using food as the means of finding solace. One of my clients suffering with stress-related depression said she could just about feed the kids by popping pizza or fish fingers into the oven, but she didn't have the energy afterwards to feed herself -- so she’d have an ice cream instead, or some cake. If those weren’t available, a phone in one hand and a menu in the other was all she needed. And this became a regular occurrence.
This is not a good state of affairs. I mentioned in earlier blogs that, while depressed, we can find ourselves engaged in a vicious cycle, for example: feeling depressed, becoming inactive, followed by feeling guilty, procrastination, more guilt, and deeper depression. We find it here once again in terms of our diet: Depression leaves us feeling tired and unmotivated; that tiredness robs us of the energy to prepare nutritionally balanced meals, so we go for the easiest option. That “easiest option” is often poor-quality food that comes in a box, from your local takeaway joint, or a frozen pizza, for instance, that simply requires some oven time and a knife to cut it with.
So this cycle goes like this: depression, bad food choices, poor nutrition, bloating, weight gain, insulin spikes, emotional crash ... deeper depression.
So this cycle goes like this: depression, bad food choices, poor nutrition, bloating, weight gain, insulin spikes, emotional crash ... deeper depression.
Yes, I know you are conserving energy, and I know that you are not feeling motivated to cook, or put together a salad, for instance, but the bottom line is this: you have to! No one is going to stop this cycle but you. If you’ve managed to convince yourself that eating rubbish food is ‘comforting’ you, then you are kidding yourself. It is not: you are simply adapting your mind to believing whatever you are telling it, and I might go so far as to say that you are lying to yourself. You’re certainly not doing yourself any favours!
Neglecting your body’s nutritional needs will just make you feel worse. I’m not saying that take-aways don’t have their place; they do, but eating bad food when you are in a bad place can impact your relationship with food negatively. We know the drill with bad food: from a physiological point of view, you will have insulin spikes, weight gain, blood-pressure increases, even skin changes - and a general deterioration in mental and physical health. If you're having difficulty eating at all, you may find yourself dropping weight dramatically, and this has a whole new layer of problems.
And then there’s the emotional fallout from all of this: especially if you had been eating well before you felt depressed, you will feel emotional and physiological effects about neglecting your body. And you will feel demotivated, fat and unhealthy.
I am not saying that you have to make yourself gourmet meals, or complicated ones which require several steps and too much prep. Simple meals that are filling and satisfying is what you need: pick the foods you like to eat and make them into a nutritious meal. Balance out your meal with protein, fats, carbs and vegetables. You will feel better physically, and if you do, you are giving yourself a chance to feel better mentally. That is the least you can do: give yourself a fair chance of doing better. Don’t just say: I’m feeling bad, I’ll do better tomorrow. Do better today, immediately.
It is very easy to get into bad habits. Don’t go for unhealthy short-term comforts with long-term negative results. Certainly, don’t stop yourself from indulging every now and then, but if you want a healthy mind, then you will have to watch what you put into your mouth, so make a promise to yourself that if there is nothing else that you will do, you WILL eat healthy foods. That’s at least ONE area that you are refusing to neglect yourself in.
Remember too that the art of cooking can be used as a healthy distraction. Following a (not too complicated) recipe can be very satisfying; I know, because I learned to bake for the first time a couple of years ago and it was a fantastic feeling, I promise you! These days I follow a Keto lifestyle, and I’m learning to make Keto bread and foods. Learning is such a positive and healthy tool to help motivate you and uplift you. Why not learn how to make yourself decent meals?
Please, watch your food intake if you are feeling low. I've listened to too many people tell me how they regret what their daily diet has been while they suffered depression. The larger they got, the harder it was to shift the weight, even after the depression lifted, and here’s another vicious cycle that we are tying to prevent.
Take care,
Asha
Asha
In other blogs I have advised you to do certain exercises without
being distracted, such as the Clock Method
and the Pen and Paper Method
. Now, I’m going to turn that on its head and talk about how distraction can
be a useful aid in preventing depression taking over your life.
Distraction that is not encouraged just gets in the way of whatever you are trying to achieve, but if you are actively encouraging it, it can be a helpful tool in lifting the darkness -- mostly in the short term, but some situations, the effects can last for a surprisingly long time.
Here’s some examples of distractions: any arts and crafts, including drawing and painting, colouring-in pictures and creating things. These involve fine motor skills rather than gross motor skills, so you are generally sitting relatively still at a table, doing stuff with your hands and fingers and not expending energy you don’t have. Remember that depressed people don’t have a lot of energy to spare, so engaging in simple mind-engaging activities which don’t require frantic movement will have a calming effect and is not energy intensive.
You are also engaging in pleasurable cognitive effort which involves concentration, but not on anything complicated. So your brain is not trying to analyse problems; nor is it dealing with difficult life issues or focusing on anything distressing; rather it is being treated to gentle and restful therapy in a more benign fashion.
Jigsaw puzzles are another great way of removing yourself from the rigours of everyday life. I confess to finding thousand-piece puzzles an absolute joy. It is relaxing time for me, and the minor challenge that it presents, trying to put these masterpieces together, is just perfect for a mind that has been dealing with all sorts of complicated issues during the day. Working with beads, knitting, crocheting and other activities which can be done in groups as well are very healthy ways of getting away from the negative feelings associated with depression.
I believe that people with hobbies have richer lives, because they have something they can happily lose themselves in whenever they have the time to spare. I also believe that hobbies are a happy distraction if you are feeling down about something, even if you can't quite put your finger on what exactly that something is. The low level of activity, and the calmness of mind achieved during such activity, may bring you clarity, or even give rise to an important decision -- so never under estimate the benefits of a good hobby.
Gardening is another good distraction. It’s healthy for you and your garden, and I love trips to the garden centres in the UK; they are brilliant. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I find flowers to be particularly vital to my environment because they bring joy to me; I feel this joy in greater abundance when I walk around my garden or plant something and watch it grow.
Joining social clubs is another distraction. A client of mine recently joined a rock choir and she has loved it and it has certainly helped her, not only in terms of her mood picking up, but also in terms of socialising.
Whether it is a hobby club, dance club, gym, debating society, rock choir - whatever - take the step of trying it out, at least once, and see how you get on.
Whether it is a hobby club, dance club, gym, debating society, rock choir - whatever - take the step of trying it out, at least once, and see how you get on.
Whatever the distraction is that works for you, use it ... but as always, keep it legal. No bank heists please -- choose healthy distractions that will have a positive outcome for you!
Bye for now,
Asha
Let’s talk about Movement
as the next method of improving your mood and state of mind. If there is one thing that will help to ease symptoms of depression, it is movement, but this is often the thing which is most neglected. Because people suffering with depression don’t have much energy, they tend to believe that they cannot muster up the strength to do things. I understand that the body may not have enough building blocks to make that energy because of poor or inadequate nutrition, but this can easily becomes a vicious cycle: feeling down, poor diet , no energy, no motivation, feelings of guilt, feelings of uselessness ... then even more intense feelings of depression, worse diet, and so on.
You have to do something to break this cycle; no one is going to do it for you.
It's often said that a healthy body leads to a healthy mind, and I very much agree with this principle. It is always far easier to lie on the couch or the bed than to go out and do something, even just for a walk around the block. Watching TV to pass the time has its place, but not when it goes on for hours on end. And it's not good for you if you are depressed: it's a soft option with a hard ending. The reward you get from such passive entertainment is not only short-lived, but it can leave you feeling guilty about wasting time, whereas the reward you get from active entertainment has a much longer-lasting effect.
So choosing the harder or more action-orientated thing to do is always going to be the better option, because it leads to a more desirable end result. When you work out, the body releases endorphins, the chemical which automatically makes us feel good. But as with everything, you have to start small, by incorporating small but purposeful movements into your day. Start with a small thing that you’ve been putting off, for example: removing those clothes from the floor and putting them away in the cupboard, or walking into your garden to inspect the plants. Try walking up your stairs, twice. Maybe cook yourself a small meal - anything will do for starters. Moving from the bed to the couch? Not good enough!
Regular movement, and becoming aware that you are moving more, is likely to give you a little boost, and even that little boost will motivate you to do bigger things. Take a longer walk, clean a whole room. If you have a bicycle go out for a ride. Cook a more challenging meal. Clear out that box you always wanted to. Bake something!
For those people with a little more energy, there are other more active things you can do to stave off depression. Pets, for example, are a source of great pride and joy, not just for their companionship, but for the fact that they make you get up and move, whether you like it or not! We have to take them out for walks or our pets will get restless and probably feel as low as we do, so that's another great way of upping your level of movement - and possibly making friends as well. You're likely to run into other pet owners, and quite often, a smile or a greeting exchanged can lead to something bigger. I know a couple who ended up getting married after meeting each other on dog walks. Puppy love! They were both collared!
Join a gym if you can afford it: you will release tons of those precious endorphins, get fitter, lose weight, achieve goals and meet new people. If you won’t join a gym then find other ways to keep active; a brisk walk around the neighbourhood if it is a safe one, a jog around your local park. Every area has some sort of green space where people can exercise or visit free of charge. That space is yours - make use of it. I know some people who find it a great reward to take their litter pickers, and a garbage bag, and go around the neighbourhood or local parks cleaning the place up. Not only are they fulfilling a community service, but they also develop friendships in this way, and a sense of camaraderie and usefulness.
Dance is one of the most beneficial activities for people who need a bit of mood enhancement: put some music on and dance around a bit in your room, or find a local dance class and join up. It’s great for weight loss and fitness, and to release precious endorphins into your system, to trigger those good feelings you need so much.
For those who find their energy increasing and feel the urge to do more, think about volunteering. There are wonderful schemes running in local hospitals, schools, veterinary surgeons, nurseries and other places where we can volunteer our services and give back to the community a little bit. This keeps you occupied and has the added benefit of making you feel useful and rewarded.So please, engage in some activity.
Keep it legal, but start small and work up to bigger activities, more intense ones. That couch is not going to make you feel better. Inactivity will not relieve your symptoms. Staying indoors will not bring that special friendship into your life. And don't just do it once and say “I’m too tired, I’m giving up” - do it again and again, until you feel your mood lift.
Keep it legal, but start small and work up to bigger activities, more intense ones. That couch is not going to make you feel better. Inactivity will not relieve your symptoms. Staying indoors will not bring that special friendship into your life. And don't just do it once and say “I’m too tired, I’m giving up” - do it again and again, until you feel your mood lift.
Thanks for reading; and bye for now.
Asha
Asha
This blog is a bit longer than the others, so please bear with me.
This method involves you completing a written exercise which has four steps to it, and I prefer the use of pen and paper
rather than a computer or your mobile phone. If you insist on using one of these devices, you can - but I always feel there is something solid and grounded about physically writing something down, especially on what should be an interesting and rewarding journey. Also, it's less likely you’ll get Facebook messages, email notifications and other distractions popping up if your device is turned off!
Here’s how it works:
First: write down all the things that contribute to the bad way you are feeling. For example, if you are experiencing a difficult time with your partner, write down 'Relationship Difficulties'. If you have a very ill parent, write down 'Illness'. If your children are misbehaving, write down 'Badly Behaved Children'; if your beloved dog has gone missing, and you're worried and missing its reassuring presence, write down the simple words 'Lost dog' ... you get the picture.
Second: put into words what feelings these things evoke. For instance, if your relationship difficulties make you feel frustrated, write that down. If your parent being ill brings about feelings of sadness and helplessness, even panic at a possible death, write it down; if your dog disappearing makes you feel heartbroken, write it down.
Second: put into words what feelings these things evoke. For instance, if your relationship difficulties make you feel frustrated, write that down. If your parent being ill brings about feelings of sadness and helplessness, even panic at a possible death, write it down; if your dog disappearing makes you feel heartbroken, write it down.
Third: write down why. Why do these things make you feel they way they do? Are you feeling helpless about your parent's illness? Is it because you don’t feel you’re doing enough to help them? Are you frustrated with the level of medical care they're receiving? Do you not like being at the mercy of doctors? What is it - what is the reason?
The same thing applies with the other issues: do you feel unable to communicate with your partner, are you frustrated because they are emotionally neglecting you, or are distant? Are you lonely without your beloved pet?
You have to be brutally honest in your answers. Remember that no one will see this exercise but you, so you can be as honest as you want to without any judgment or condemnation from anyone else. Indeed, it is only honesty here which will bring about clarity and relief.
If, for instance, you are feeling resentful about visiting your ill parent, for whatever reason, then be honest about it. You can examine why you feel this way once you have noted it -- but just the act of noting it will bring you some relief.
A point to note: ageing parents are a problem for many people in our world today, and for different reasons. I have worked with clients over the years that have felt resentful at having to care for older relatives, especially ones who become very cranky and demanding - and who, perhaps, were not very good carers themselves back in the day. It’s not easy.
A point to note: ageing parents are a problem for many people in our world today, and for different reasons. I have worked with clients over the years that have felt resentful at having to care for older relatives, especially ones who become very cranky and demanding - and who, perhaps, were not very good carers themselves back in the day. It’s not easy.
Fourth: write down whether any of these things can be changed. if yes, how?If not, why not? For instance, it may be impossible to change or cure your mother’s illness, in which case you are at the mercy of the doctors and nature and your mother’s will to fight. So you will answer NO to whether this can be changed.
You can, though, modify things a bit, and a modification is as good as a change. For instance, you can research whether new medication is available; you can ask that your parent be re-evaluated by another medical professional, and you can spend more time with them in their hours of need. So now your answer changes a little because the new possibilities means that changes are in place, even small ones.
That can bring about an immediate uplifting of your mood. So you may answer No the first time you do this, but when you look at it a day later, you may then answer YES, because you’ve had some time to think about it.
Similarly, in terms of the dog, you don't have to sit around in sadness waiting for him to reappear. There are things you can do to change the situation, and to help yourself; for example, putting out fliers around the neighborhood, sending messages to your neighbours and friends to keep a lookout, or just going in search of him yourself.
When you answer YES to Can This Be Changed? questions you are setting yourself up for action, where you actually DO something to improve a situation. These actions may completely change the outcome you originally expected.
So, once you make concrete decisions to put action into operation, start texting or phoning your neighbours, go knock on doors if you have to. Get those badly behaved children to help!!
You will not answer YES to all the things you put down in this exercise. Some things you may have to answer no to; for instance, if your mother’s condition deteriorates and medical assistance is no longer working, then answering it with a YES won't work. However, this doesn’t leave you with nowhere to go. You will at least have an exact sense of what you can do and what you can’t. So you may decide to continue supporting, visiting and comforting her, and that will in turn bring you comfort.
This is a thought-provoking exercise, but it is also one which has the potential to empower you, and drive you into action. It also gives you a very good picture of what is ailing you. That’s why it is advisable to do it over the course of a week, even two, and go back to it every day, so that you give yourself time to process what you put down, modify it if anything changes, and know exactly where you stand.
You are no longer miserable, waiting for something to happen or someone to rescue you; you’re doing it yourself. We have to rely on ourselves, our own powers of observation, to understand how we feel and why we feel that way, and this is one exercise which will take you there. Please try it.
Bye for now,
Asha
Asha
This blog in the 'depression' series is all about the STEPS
method -- use it on its own or in conjunction with other methods I’ve discussed in previous videos.
We know that depression brings about fatigue: our bodies slump into economy mode and we then don't take in enough nutrition or have restful sleeps, or we take in the wrong nutrition and find ourselves lacking in energy, as well as motivation. Something as simple as grocery shopping, for instance, can become a very difficult task to accomplish.
The thought of going to a supermarket can be such a big deal to someone with depression that they would rather not make the effort, because they cannot face what seems like a monumental task.
Of course, grocery shopping is not such a big deal; you have some idea of what you need to buy and you know where to get it and how the whole process works. You’ve done it a million times before.
But if you're in a bad place, mood wise, that task can seem so hard -- but you really have to do it, for a multitude of reasons. The thing to do is to break the task into smaller components so that you approach it one step at a time.
Please remember that: one small step at a time - no matter how obvious each one seems.
Please remember that: one small step at a time - no matter how obvious each one seems.
Step 1. Get dressed. If you're still in your PJ’s, get out of them. Put something comfortable on.
Step 2: find your purse, and if you have a shopping list, put that in it.
Step 3. Get your car keys or if you are walking to the shops, make sure you have your house keys so you don't lock yourself out.
Step 4. Grab your shopping bags, take your purse, walk out the door. Lock it behind you if you usually do.
Step 5. Walk or drive to the shops. Park up and enter the store.
Step 6. Get a trolley and push it to the aisle you need to be in.
Step 7. Proceed with getting the items on your list.
Step 8. Pay for the items at the till and bag them.
Step 9. Walk to the car, put your bags in or if you walked to the shops, walk home.
Step 10. Put the shopping away and congratulate yourself on a job well done.
Usually, by the time you’ve reached step 5 or 6, you will no longer think in terms of steps; you will simply finish the rest of the task as you usually do.
Usually, by the time you’ve reached step 5 or 6, you will no longer think in terms of steps; you will simply finish the rest of the task as you usually do.
Here’s the explanation
for why this method works:
We are very good at accomplishing tasks using automatic processes, like driving to the shop. We don't think about all the small steps necessary to make that trip; rather, we lump it all into one event. Which serves us well because it cuts out the need to use excess cognitive resources on simple tasks. We are then free to use these resources on more complex tasks.
Now that is well and good if you’re feeling okay, but not when you’re depressed. Then, even the simplest task takes on an air of complexity and we struggle to think about it, and to formulate a plan of how to execute it.
Therefore, breaking a task down into small steps allows us to use a little bit of our precious resources at a time, and as we accomplish each step, we can evaluate how much physical and cognitive energy we have left and whether we can continue with the next step. Often, accomplishing the first step is sufficient to give us a boost, which enables us to complete the next step, and so on and so on.
We are paying attention to each part of the task and therefore we are in control of it. Before you know it, you’ve done the shopping -- and then it's reward time. Have a piece of chocolate, a cup of tea, a biscuit, and be pleased with yourself.
Try doing this step method with activities you find difficult, or tedious, and take the encouragement from consciously completing each little step.
Take care and until next time, bye.
Asha
Hello again - this time around I'll be talking about specific methods which help alleviate the symptoms of mild and moderate depression, alongside talk therapy
of course.
These methods can boost your mood and raise your levels of optimism. If you haven’t read the earlier blogs please do so, as they will give you an orientation about the levels and symptoms of depression.
The first method is the use of imagery
-- certain pictures or images which have the effect of uplifting you. You can use more than one picture.
I'm sure you are immediately forming in your mind images of things you like and find uplifting. These can be pictures of everyday things, or family photos, pictures of happy people, parties, open fields ... anything. There is no specific image; it will be a case of whatever works for you.
For me, pictures of flowers and gardens always have the effect of enhancing my mood. I find that not all family pictures have a positive effect on me: because my son lives away from home I find that when I look at pictures of him I miss him even more than I usually do! So be careful if you use family pictures; judge whether they disturb or distress you, and if they do, put them away and go for something neutral.
I absolutely love colourful and sweet-scented flowers and I'm never far away from them -- they are my go-to method for mood enhancement, and so I make sure I have pictures of these readily available just in case I feel a little bit low and need a boost.
Roses are my favourites, and if I can sense a low mood state on the horizon, i will bring out my books on roses and page through them, or look up pictures of flower gardens on the internet and browse through them. I live in the UK and Britain has some really beautiful, well-kept gardens that the public can visit, and I’ve been to a few over the years. Every time I look at a picture taken during one of these visits, I relive the experience.
And this is why it is so important to look at pictures of happy events; if you’re going to relive the experience, it needs to be a good one.
Usually, that's enough to put a smile on my face, because the colours and the memory of the scents of flowers is so therapeutic. Yes, we do remember scents! We also remember the feelings of joyfulness we experienced while on those outings. So if you have pictures from outings you’ve enjoyed, use them. You should also achieve a sense of calmness from looking at them, especially if you are feeling sad or emotional. This is in turn therapeutic, and this form of therapy is useful in overriding feelings of depression, at least in the short term.
Try not to look at drab pictures, or colourless ones. Bright, cheerful colours are better for mood enhancement.
Some people find images of cute dogs and cats really uplifting -- perhaps because it stimulates the nurturing, protective instinct in us: we just want to cuddle them and look after them. This takes the focus off the misery we may be feeling and introduces an element of warmth and love.
Other people like looking at pictures of babies: same thing here -- they bring out the same 'Ah! How cute!' response. These feelings are actually valuable, because they have the power to banish negativity and dark thoughts, and replace them with a real sense of love and warmth. If we are feeling unloved -- and in turn unloving -- such pictures can reverse those feelings.
So find the images which uplift you, and make you smile. Keep them on hand so you can roll them out whenever you need them -- they are a quick and effective way of gaining value for yourself.
Thank you for reading, and please try this and other methods I will be giving you a try -- and let me know how you get on. If I can help ONE person, that is good enough for me. More than one is a definite bonus!
Thank you for reading, and please try this and other methods I will be giving you a try -- and let me know how you get on. If I can help ONE person, that is good enough for me. More than one is a definite bonus!
Until next time, bye.
Asha
Asha
